23 candles later...
Curation No.8 - a chaotic list of everything I know as a baby adult
Opening Act
A glimpse into the standout moments of the week
I turned 23 last Saturday. That’s the standout moment. I used to have a complicated relationship with my birthday. As a kid, I obviously was enamored with the idea of my birthday. A day entirely for me and everyone celebrating me with gifts and cake. However, later in life (ahem…my teens) it became a more melancholic situation. It became the day when I was reminded that, to many of my friends, I was an obligation. It remained that way until my 20th birthday, when for the first time in my life I had a surprise party. My best friends organized it for me, and I swear it is one of the most precious moments in my life.
However, in the past three years it also became this nostalgic day where I acknowledge that I’m growing up, yet at the same time feel like I’m stuck? It’s not a special day, per se. But this year I wanted to make it so. I wore a tiara and my favorite pink pajamas all morning, until I had to get ready and change into a birthday outfit. I wore a skirt with these doll sort of ruffled socks, and spent the whole afternoon laughing with my family. Through it all, I couldn’t help but marvel at the woman I’ve become. I’m by no means this super-woman who has her life figured out. Geez, half this substack is just me exposing how much of a hot mess I am sometimes…literally. Still, despite that, this time I allowed myself to feel it. Feel proud of me, more than just hearing my family’s words on how much they love and believe in me.
So this week’s curation is dedicated to all those lessons I’ve learned in my 23 years of existence that have shaped me in the woman I am today. I believe many of these I actually learned during my teens, but also some of them are quite recent and the first I came across as a 3 year old adult (being in your 20’s is like being a baby adult, really).
1. Being “alone” is better than being surrounded by poor company
Being alone isn’t a “loser” thing, if you think that then I’m afraid to say you are the loser in the room. Surrounding yourself with everyone “just because”, is simply a sign that you don’t understand the notion of quality over quantity; nor how that affects your heart.
2. Comparing yourself to someone else or a past version of you only make you sadder and angstier
Comparing yourself is just an artful way of remaining in mourning over what you lost or don’t have; instead of focusing on what you can do to acquire it, or fortifying all the incredible things you already possess.
3. Friends come and go but only the true ones won’t ever suggest you to try and be less you
If someone says you are too much, or that your way of being doesn’t suit their life… then it’s time to pack your bags and leave. No one who claims to be a friend, who loves you, would ever ask you to dim your light only for their convenience. They’d learn to handle your relationship, have a mature conversation about it. Ultimatums are petty and distasteful.
4. Healthy is pretty, but healthy looks different in everyone
It’s not about the lie of the “perfect” gym sculpted body. Healthy means your body works in a seamless symphony to keep you glowing, to keep your lifestyle that makes you the utmost amazing version of yourself. Everyone is beautiful.
5. Whatever you set your mind to will only come true if you fight hard enough for it.
This is probably self-explanatory. If you don’t put in the work, then simply you won’t have a path to walk through to achieve your dreams.
6. Things not going your way isn’t the end of the world, you’ve got time (even if it doesn’t seem like it)
I still struggle with this one, but…life is not a sprint. If a door closes now, have faith that a bigger and brighter one will open down the road. Sometimes what we think we know, for sure, what we want; however, that doesn’t mean it’s the best thing for us. We don’t know anything, and we don’t need to know everything. We just need to let ourselves be surprised by the fates or the universe or whatever cosmic force you believe in.
7. Life is easier if you are straightforward with your thoughts and opinions
I’m not saying you must be rude to someone if you dislike them. I’m saying you make yourself clear where you stand with them. Say “hi” and “good day”, but do not engage with the same warmth you’d use with someone you actually like. Be tolerant, be decent, but don’t waste your time giving false pretenses for the sake of public appearances. For some it might sound like hypocrisy, but I rather be called an alleged hypocrite, than letting people I dislike think they have a place in my life.
8. You don’t need people to like you, the only opinions on you that matter are: your own, your family’s, and those of your truest friends
Pt. 2 on my previous lesson. The world is wide, people are diverse, and having everyone liking you is absolutely impossible— not to mention unreasonably masochistic. People pleasing only hurts you more than it benefits you. Opinions are subjective and it’s not your job to manage all of those. Your job is being a person you and those closest to you like.
9. Good and Bad things happen for a reason; don’t fight the bad ones, they’re part of your own path even if they make no sense.
Another one on being okay with not knowing where life will go or how it works. Not knowing or having control is uncomfortable, but you know what’s more uncomfortable? Acknowledging the fact that you wasted time on pity parties and won’t ever get to re-use that time wisely. Bad things happen, we can only try at making the best out of them once they strike. If I had learned this earlier in life I’d save myself a lot of tears and unkind words.
10. If a friend truly cares for you, you won’t have to wonder if you are a priority to them nor if they will care for what’s going on in your life.
If they wanted to, they would. Life happens and everyone has their own things going on, but that isn’t an excuse for not reinforcing your friendships. For not checking in. For not asking your friends out to a different plan with different people. For not wishing happy birthday on the right date. If your friends have your relationship in mind, they’d make sure you feel included and thought of. And all of it vice versa. Check in with your friends.
11. Love is all around. For real.
We all want romantic love, claiming we don’t have who loves us and we want someone to. More often than not we are blind to all the love we are given because we have been told Love only happens in the big romantic gestures. Love happens in the smallest most microscopic acts. From the daily morning hug from your mother, to the “you absolute idiot” from your sibling. We will only be aware of how much love there is around us once we open our hearts to listen beyond what’s become our normal, and be grateful for it.
12. There’s always time to change your mind and start again, however scary that may seem.
They say starting is the easy part. True, if that thing you start isn’t too far from your comfort zone. Starting is hard when you are unsure, but things won’t happen if you quite literally don’t start. If it works for you, keeping up with it won’t be as tough as you think.
13. Feelings are not an inconvenience.
Feeling too much, feeling deeply isn’t a weakness. Feeling is a reflection that you care, that said thing you are spilling over with emotion matters to you. It's easier to be detached, to not care, because it’s clean. When you care is messy, but there’s richness in the mess of it. Caring is cool, why? Because it’s a wonderful proof that you are, and can come, alive. Why would you want to be a robot?
14. Feelings, like thoughts, are passengers
Carrying on with the feelings’ chat…What you feel and think can never define nor control you, UNLESS you let them. Just acknowledge them and then remember that they aren’t forever ever lasting. You’ll feel more free and in control faster.
15. Privacy is a luxury, be wise with who has unfiltered access to you
Not everyone should have, nor be deserving, of having access to your life. I’m not saying you close your public instagram account and go anon. No. I’m saying to filter what parts of yourself you give others, set aside what is too precious for you to spill over to the multitudes and save it from being scrutinized by those who have no business in it. In other words, measure your oversharing. Everyone you meet doesn’t have your best interests at heart, nor want or care to know you completely.
16. Discipline is an act of self love.
When you apply yourself to something that matters to you, is a literal translation of you mentally putting yourself first, second, and third place. Sometimes it’s easy, other it’s something hard, but either way, once done, you’ll be grateful to know you matter.
17. Learning to be comfortable with yourself is step one to a calm life
No one is a perfectly finished masterpiece. The sooner you acknowledge your flaws, as well as your strengths, the sooner you can start living a more kind life, one where you afford yourself space to grow without needing to perform for the masses.
18. You are more than your trauma or issues
You are a human being. Your personal issues do not define what kind of person you are, it is what you do everyday in attempts to overcome them that speak on your character and worth.
19. There’s no “right” way to living life, just try your best
Life is not an “all sizes fits one” kind of thing. Your beginning is someone else’s middle — geez sometimes even their conclusion — how you handle it is equally as valuable as how they handle it. There’s no pre-established formula or path to life in this planet because it’s pretty much a learning curve; so, just keep showing up and be proud of every little effort you put towards it. It’s an effort in itself to just show up, so yeah cheers!
20. Cultivating your knowledge is the best way to spend your time
Don’t stop learning. Even if it’s something absolutely ridiculous, learning is not just an expansion of the brain, it’s also an expansion of the soul. It isn’t done in one sitting, but you can decide how far you’ll go to evolve.
21. Success isn’t Happiness
It sounds wayyy too philosophical, but it’s true. Happiness doesn’t come from a salary, a degree, or prize. It comes from different sources depending on who we are, but if anything most of it is only felt when we try to focus on the here and now.
22. Letting go is, oftentimes, healthier than to hang on
Everything in life is a cycle. Things have a cycle. People have a cycle. Everything has to eventually come to an end, very few things in our lives last forever. Understanding this makes it easier to protect our energy and avoid emotional rollercoasters from controlling us.
23. Maturing is realizing that growing up doesn’t mean growing a new personality
Growing up isn’t about fitting in like an adult. I believe that growing up, in the long run, will always mean enriching your inner kid to the point you are just one living in an adult’s body. That said, I mean seeing the world with kid’s eyes and do what a younger version of us would have wanted, instead of what our surroundings say we should want.
Outro
A sneak peak of what’s to come
I have no idea what’s to come to be honest. Am I nervous? Yes, I’m still trying to get my grip on some of those lessons above. Nevertheless, this birthday I didn’t cry because of anxiety, but because of happiness and pride. I am proud of the woman I am today and the one I’m trying to become. I believe she’s someone my 8-year-old self would be fan-girling over, and to think that at this young age makes me feel like my “I’m trying my best” is actually worth something.
As always, thank you for reading if you made it through here. This is a little reminder that you are doing amazingly, even if you doubt it yourself. It’s all about perspective, and remembering you are becoming.
XOXO
Jules
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